I feel better when I ….
‘I feel better when I,…’ is a question I remind myself when I need the inspiration to push through the difficult days that go along with having chronic conditions and sulfite intolerance. In this post, I’d like to share the tools that helped me get where I am today along with the tools keep moving forward.
Getting Through School
Upon reflection, I realize several factors helped me thrive despite not feeling well most days for nearly three decades. To begin with, I didn’t know I was sick. When I was young, I was undiagnosed. I didn’t have a reason, per se, to not keep up. After all, I just assumed I was lazier than everyone else. Some people around me said I was lazy and I believed it. I felt the burden to push through the bad days. Deep down I knew how I felt was not normal – but I convinced myself it didn’t matter. I accepted it and moved forward.
I was also very driven and I wanted to do well in school. As time went on, I wanted to pursue a professional career. So, I rested when I needed to but pushed hard and pushed against how I was feeling when possible. During what I now know as flare-ups of Chronic Idiopathic Angioedema and abdominal pain after eating too many sulfites, I would fall behind. As soon as I felt better, I would make a push to catch up.
The Power Of Believing In A Child
Perhaps most importantly – I was fortunate and blessed many people believed in me. I would often wonder, what they saw in me. Didn’t they see how I couldn’t always keep up? Did they miss when I fell behind or didn’t complete assignments because I procrastinated and was lazy? What did they see that those who thought I was lazy, didn’t see? Fortunately, my parents always seemed to expect more out of me than I did. Teachers, friends, and family made me feel that they believed I was smart, responsible and mature. I felt I owed it to them to not disappoint them, even if I didn’t see what they saw.
I recently read Michelle Obama’s book ‘Becoming’. In her book, she writes a lot about the power of believing in a child and the impact that makes on that child. Reading the book made me realize how much the support of those adults contributed to me overcoming my self-doubts and bad days.
Finding Internal Motivation
As I got older, while finishing medical school and starting residency, I had to find my internal motivation for pushing through. I still wanted to do well but now I had to compete with people who wanted it as much as me. Many of whom may not have had the limitations I was experiencing. To avoid feeling sorry for myself, even then I reminded myself that just as people didn’t know my journey, I didn’t know theirs. I was convinced we all have obstacles but how we persevere distinguishes us from the rest. Physically I compensated by reserving energy. I attended social events to avoid being a hermit but if I didn’t need to move or be active, I didn’t. On My days off I slept a lot (sometimes up to 14-15 hours). I wasn’t too worried about getting dolled up unless there was an occasion.
Dressing For How I Want To Feel
After I was finally diagnosed with Chronic Idiopathic Angioedema and started to have more good days than bad days. Slowly, I began wanting every day to be a good day. I wanted to feel great all the time. I wanted to be able to jump out of bed, shower and wash my hair without needing to nap, go to work, go to the gym, come home and make dinner and still enjoy some time with my husband.
Accomplishing this much in one day was new to me, but I knew I liked it. So I learned to try to trick myself. I noticed it was hard to be mad or sad if I smiled. I began following the motto ‘Dress for how you want to feel, not how you feel’. This became a constant mantra I said to myself. Even if I’m not feeling well in the morning, I still have the same makeup routine, get dressed in clothes I feel good about and put my best self forward. Not for others, but for me.
Clean Diet As A Tool
Eventually, I discovered my sulfite intolerance, therefore, cleaning up my diet gave me even more good days. I started learning quickly that what I ate directly correlated with how I felt the next day. A lot of yummy foods that I previously enjoyed no longer seemed worth it because of heavy sulfite contents. I learned that if I wanted to function at the level I needed to, I would have to invest in clean eating.
Fitness As Another Tool
Fitness also eventually became a tool I learned helped me feel good. I noticed if I worked out regularly, I had more energy, the mood was better and I slept better. On bad days, there was nothing more I wanted to do than drop on the couch after work, especially after having kids. However, I figured out, if I stopped at the gym on the way home from work, I had more energy and extra burst to enjoy my evening with the kids. Investing in myself for that hour, allowed me to give more to my family.
Life Is A Marathon, Not A Sprint
Even now, despite knowing what I know, not every day is a good day or even a good week. Sometimes I need to communicate to my husband that I’m having a flare-up. This way, he knows I need to slow it down for a few days. I try to pace myself. We try to make the most of not only the good days but the bad days too.
My Motivation For Sharing what Makes Me Feel Better
My hope and motivation for this blog is for those of the 1 in 100 with a sulfite intolerance, other food intolerances or chronic conditions see that there are others on their own journeys of struggling to make it through some days. I sincerely hope this inspires them to perhaps dress for how they want to feel, not how they feel and to push through when able but allow themselves to take a step back and rest when needed. It’s ok to say no sometimes. By taking care of ourselves, we have more to offer those we love.
I Would Love To Hear From You
If you have other tools you would like to share that can help those of us through our bad days, I’d love to hear them. Please leave a comment or email me at [email protected]
